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Homepage for Nick the Flying Brick

On the 19th Apr 2010 I was interviewed, with RU, by German reporter Alexei Makartsev from the 'Rheinische Post' at The Old Kings Head, Belper.
>>Link to the article in German at Rhein Zeitung<<
>>Link to the translated article at Rhein Zeitung<<
 
The night of the Count 6th May 2010 starting at 'The Blacks Head' and continuing to Wirksworth Leisure Centre
 
Dale, Sara, Layla, Nick, Lord Tourettes, Brick & Grip    
 
On right Imwyeddon, Madam Pomona   With Labour candidate Colin Swindell
 
Holly Knebel from Radio Ashbourne   Helen, Lizzie, Holly, Brick, Lord Tourettes
 
     
 
     
   
Gripster & Dale    
 
 

Radio Derby's "Photos from General Election counts"
One of three rolling images on their main front page, now sadly replaced by current content.

 

 

'Ashbourne News' Weds April 21st 2010

Give a brief statement
I wish to address the serious problem of the rising number of births at Derby City Hospital. I would build a brand new Maternity Hospital in Ashbourne. It would have one long North-South ward straddling across the Henmore, with a visitor entrance at each end. I appeal to the Ashbourne voter "Vote Loony", tap three times on the ballot box and bring football home.

What is your take on the historic television debate?
Unfortunately I was unable to watch the telly that night as I was busy on the plans for the new Ashbourne Maternity Hospital. Iain, a friend of mine, who did watch the debate, said it was;
"more exciting than Terry and June but not as good as One Man and his Dog."
The time watching the debate would have been better spent learning how to pronounce "Eyjafjallajökull". I have yet to encounter anyone who has been able to do this.

 

 

'Ashbourne News' Weds May 5th 2010

Would you support a compulsory National Service scheme for all 18-year-olds?
We would re-introduce National Service for the over 75's, because they enjoyed it so much the last time around. We would introduce five years of National Service for all newly elected MP's supervised by the over 75's.
We would also introduce National Service for the 18-year-olds, they would be started as Punkah Wallah's, making cucumber sandwiches, strawberries and champagne, and gin and tonics before dinner, their last duty of the day would be to put the over 75's to bed at 10:30pm. The MP's could put each other to bed discreetly, not waking up the over 75's, and not interfering with the 18 year olds unless they have recently become MP's.


Will your party consider implementing the Robin Hood Tax if you get in to power?
Yes, all bankers should wear Lincoln Green, pointy hats with feathers and green tights, so they can be recognised in a crowd. Any banker over 15 stone has to take holy orders wear a Cassock and have a Tonsure and answer to the name of 'Tuck'.
It is impolite for any member of the crowd to ask a Robin Hood banker about any billions recently squirreled away for helping the poor of Jersey, Bermuda or Barbados.

Would you want to revise the smoking ban in pubs to stop the amount that close down, nationally, every week?
No, I believe the large amount of pubs closing down nationally each week is due to the excessively cheap alcohol sold in Supermarkets.
However if smoking was reintroduced into pubs Derbyshire Loonys would:
· Encourage those who smoke in pubs to wear very tall top hats fitted with extractor fans.
· Use a European grant for training kippers to work behind the bar.

The Derbyshire Loonys believe that the Icelandic authorities in the Valhalla District Council should be taking greater care to implement the smoking ban in the 'Vikings Horn' where Odin is rumoured to have been chuffing gently on his pipe in the corner of the room, causing significant disruption to European air traffic.

What can you and your party do to help more independent traders survive in the world of big supermarkets?
Following on from the last question I would make smoking compulsory for all customers queuing in the Ashbourne Waitrose check out counter, to help reduce stress.

· We would cut the Supermarket's hold over farmers by converting the Dairy Aisle into a Milking Parlour.
· All independent town traders would be given a free stall in the Oriental Foodstuffs Aisle.
· Shrovetide football would be started in Sainsburys 'tinned fruit' aisle.
· Introduce a compulsory 'buy one get ten free'.

In the light of the expenses scandal, what can you and your party do to restore faith in politicians? (Unpublished)
We in the Loony Party believe there is no point in fighting for lost causes, so I've been busy filling in my expenses claim forms and finding creative and honest ways to be a fair and reasonable megalomaniac.
· Through a system of cantilevers and pivots the Millennium wheel could be turned into a massive ducking stool for the entire Houses of Parliament. Those who drown will be forgiven and allowed to keep their expenses.
· We would use the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square as a 'naughty step' for MP's.

Maybe our MP's faith could be improved by them attending a place of worship daily and three times on Sunday's and/ or prostrating themselves to a Deity any day of the week, of their choosing.

 

 

'Ashbourne News' Weds May 12th 2010


 
My election address to the 'Matlock Mercury'
 

I am Nick 'The Flying Brick' Delves; The Official Monster Raving Loony Party Shadow Minister for the Abolition of Gravity and Candidate for the 2010 Parliamentary Elections for Derbyshire Dales.

I have ancient ancestral connections with Matlock and the surrounding area. My great, great, great, great, great, great, great, grandfather Dickie Delves of Dimple, was sold in the sixteenth century to the Riber Zoo primate enclosure as payment for an unpaid bar bill at The County and Station.

I have spent many long years in the political wilderness taking the moral high ground which most of you may know as the Peak District National Park. A week ago I returned from my annual retreat up the wonderful Heights of Abraham where I had one of the best epiphanies I've ever had.

I am also the Treasurer of the Loony Party. When elected as the next Chancellor I will instruct the Bank of England to print One Trillion Pound Notes to pay off the National Debt.

I am still reeling from the shock of decimalization in 1971 so I would legislate for a return to pounds, shilling, groats, pence and farthings, with exemptions for rural areas such as Bonsal, where the barter of small livestock and shiny beads would be allowed to continue, unhindered by Government interference.

     

My long-term strategy is to cancel all other denominations except the 99p coin to save on change and invite neighbouring countries to join our currency.

Policies
Derbyshire Dales Loonys would move the Houses of Parliament from Westminster to Chatsworth House Orangery where MP's could supplement their meagre expenses by working in the 'Olde Gifte Shoppe'.

The Statute book is too large; the Loonys would remove more legislation than we create.

Derbyshire Loonys are committed to the Abolition of Gravity which would allow us to redirect the A6 over Matlock and all along the Derwent Valley World Heritage Area at 5000 feet. Incoming tourists could then admire the new shopping developments from a safe distance.

We will introduce piranha to the Henmore in Ashbourne to give extra excitement to the Shrovetide Football match

The M1 will be phased out in favour of a network of scenic bridle-ways. For all other roads we would encourage a return to bicycles, tandems, horse-drawn carriages and by foot. This would result in a 20% fall in journey times from present.

 

 

To convert Riber Castle, into an extra-terrestrial landing ground, with Matlock Bath and The Dimple being arrival and departure lounges.

Pension Fund Managers will be collectively sent, on a one-way ticket into space, to look for the 'Black Holes' in the pensions.

What's left of the pension kitty will be strategically placed with William Hill on the 3:30 at Uttoxeter Races at odds of 200/1.

 

 

 

"Resistance is futile - you have been assimilated
- Vote Loony"