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Homepage for Nick the Flying Brick
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On the 19th Apr 2010 I was interviewed, with RU, by
German reporter Alexei Makartsev from the 'Rheinische
Post' at The Old Kings Head, Belper.
>>Link
to the article in German at Rhein Zeitung<<
>>Link
to the translated article at Rhein Zeitung<< |
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| The night of the Count
6th May 2010 starting at 'The Blacks Head' and continuing
to Wirksworth Leisure Centre |
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| Dale, Sara, Layla, Nick, Lord Tourettes,
Brick & Grip |
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| On right Imwyeddon, Madam Pomona |
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With Labour candidate Colin Swindell |
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| Holly Knebel from Radio Ashbourne |
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Helen, Lizzie, Holly, Brick, Lord
Tourettes |
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| Gripster & Dale |
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'Ashbourne News'
Weds April 21st 2010
Give a brief statement
I wish to address the serious problem of the rising
number of births at Derby City Hospital. I would
build a brand new Maternity Hospital in Ashbourne.
It would have one long North-South ward straddling
across the Henmore, with a visitor entrance at
each end. I appeal to the Ashbourne voter "Vote
Loony", tap three times on the ballot box
and bring football home.
What is your take on the historic television
debate?
Unfortunately I was unable to watch the telly
that night as I was busy on the plans for the
new Ashbourne Maternity Hospital. Iain, a friend
of mine, who did watch the debate, said it was;
"more exciting than Terry and June but not
as good as One Man and his Dog."
The time watching the debate would have been better
spent learning how to pronounce "Eyjafjallajökull".
I have yet to encounter anyone who has been able
to do this.
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'Ashbourne News'
Weds May 5th 2010
Would you support a compulsory National Service
scheme for all 18-year-olds?
We would re-introduce National Service for
the over 75's, because they enjoyed it so much
the last time around. We would introduce five
years of National Service for all newly elected
MP's supervised by the over 75's.
We would also introduce National Service for the
18-year-olds, they would be started as Punkah
Wallah's, making cucumber sandwiches, strawberries
and champagne, and gin and tonics before dinner,
their last duty of the day would be to put the
over 75's to bed at 10:30pm. The MP's could put
each other to bed discreetly, not waking up the
over 75's, and not interfering with the 18 year
olds unless they have recently become MP's.
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Will your party consider implementing the Robin
Hood Tax if you get in to power?
Yes, all bankers should wear Lincoln Green, pointy
hats with feathers and green tights, so they can be
recognised in a crowd. Any banker over 15 stone has
to take holy orders wear a Cassock and have a Tonsure
and answer to the name of 'Tuck'.
It is impolite for any member of the crowd to ask a
Robin Hood banker about any billions recently squirreled
away for helping the poor of Jersey, Bermuda or Barbados.
Would you want to revise the smoking ban in pubs
to stop the amount that close down, nationally, every
week?
No, I believe the large amount of pubs closing down
nationally each week is due to the excessively cheap
alcohol sold in Supermarkets.
However if smoking was reintroduced into pubs Derbyshire
Loonys would:
· Encourage those who smoke in pubs to wear very
tall top hats fitted with extractor fans.
· Use a European grant for training kippers to
work behind the bar.
The Derbyshire Loonys believe that the Icelandic authorities
in the Valhalla District Council should be taking greater
care to implement the smoking ban in the 'Vikings Horn'
where Odin is rumoured to have been chuffing gently
on his pipe in the corner of the room, causing significant
disruption to European air traffic.
What can you and your party do to help more independent
traders survive in the world of big supermarkets?
Following on from the last question I would make
smoking compulsory for all customers queuing in the
Ashbourne Waitrose check out counter, to help reduce
stress.
· We would cut the Supermarket's hold over farmers
by converting the Dairy Aisle into a Milking Parlour.
· All independent town traders would be given
a free stall in the Oriental Foodstuffs Aisle.
· Shrovetide football would be started in Sainsburys
'tinned fruit' aisle.
· Introduce a compulsory 'buy one get ten free'.
In the light of the expenses scandal, what can you
and your party do to restore faith in politicians?
(Unpublished)
We in the Loony Party believe there is no point in fighting
for lost causes, so I've been busy filling in my expenses
claim forms and finding creative and honest ways to
be a fair and reasonable megalomaniac.
· Through a system of cantilevers and pivots
the Millennium wheel could be turned into a massive
ducking stool for the entire Houses of Parliament. Those
who drown will be forgiven and allowed to keep their
expenses.
· We would use the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square
as a 'naughty step' for MP's.
Maybe our MP's faith could be improved by them attending
a place of worship daily and three times on Sunday's
and/ or prostrating themselves to a Deity any day of
the week, of their choosing.
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'Ashbourne News'
Weds May 12th 2010
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| My election address to the 'Matlock Mercury' |
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I am Nick 'The Flying Brick' Delves; The Official
Monster Raving Loony Party Shadow Minister for
the Abolition of Gravity and Candidate for the
2010 Parliamentary Elections for Derbyshire Dales.
I have ancient ancestral connections with Matlock
and the surrounding area. My great, great, great,
great, great, great, great, grandfather Dickie
Delves of Dimple, was sold in the sixteenth century
to the Riber Zoo primate enclosure as payment
for an unpaid bar bill at The County and Station.
I have spent many long years in the political
wilderness taking the moral high ground which
most of you may know as the Peak District National
Park. A week ago I returned from my annual retreat
up the wonderful Heights of Abraham where I had
one of the best epiphanies I've ever had.
I am also the Treasurer of the Loony Party. When
elected as the next Chancellor I will instruct
the Bank of England to print One Trillion Pound
Notes to pay off the National Debt.
I am still reeling from the shock of decimalization
in 1971 so I would legislate for a return to pounds,
shilling, groats, pence and farthings, with exemptions
for rural areas such as Bonsal, where the barter
of small livestock and shiny beads would be allowed
to continue, unhindered by Government interference.
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My long-term strategy is to cancel all other
denominations except the 99p coin to save on change
and invite neighbouring countries to join our
currency.
Policies
Derbyshire Dales Loonys would move the Houses
of Parliament from Westminster to Chatsworth House
Orangery where MP's could supplement their meagre
expenses by working in the 'Olde Gifte Shoppe'.
The Statute book is too large; the Loonys would
remove more legislation than we create.
Derbyshire Loonys are committed to the Abolition
of Gravity which would allow us to redirect the
A6 over Matlock and all along the Derwent Valley
World Heritage Area at 5000 feet. Incoming tourists
could then admire the new shopping developments
from a safe distance.
We will introduce piranha to the Henmore in Ashbourne
to give extra excitement to the Shrovetide Football
match
The M1 will be phased out in favour of a network
of scenic bridle-ways. For all other roads we
would encourage a return to bicycles, tandems,
horse-drawn carriages and by foot. This would
result in a 20% fall in journey times from present.
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To convert Riber Castle, into an extra-terrestrial
landing ground, with Matlock Bath and The Dimple
being arrival and departure lounges.
Pension Fund Managers will be collectively sent,
on a one-way ticket into space, to look for the
'Black Holes' in the pensions.
What's left of the pension kitty will be strategically
placed with William Hill on the 3:30 at Uttoxeter
Races at odds of 200/1.
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"Resistance is
futile - you have been assimilated
- Vote Loony"
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